i'm alright, if you're alright.

[lovebalance]

 
fandom: aespa
pairing: jimin/aeri
tags: modern-setting, coming of age, high school.

rating: t.

this work was inspired by personal experience, books, and earlier times. specifically, earlier 90s/00s aesthetics, movies, books. for books, i recommend her name in the sky by kelly quindlen, and keeping you a secret by julie ann peters. for earlier movies, i don’t really have any recs, just the subtle cliches. imagine this story taking place in a small, american town. 

for characters, there’s nct members, but i didn’t want to tag them or anything. they’re not the focus of this story. just letting you know in case.

this story isn’t a reflection of the characters in real life as well, please take note. 

i hope someone enjoys it.

warnings for: homophobia, external, and slightly internal as well.

 

i.

The whole thing was a fucking disaster. 

Aeri had told Jimin, over text, over textbooks, on the drive over, that she was going to break up with her boyfriend Lucas tonight. And Aeri never went back on her word. 

“Just breathe,” Jimin had told her, putting her hand on Aeri’s bare thigh, Aeri’s hold on the steering wheel had tightened. She knew how nervous Aeri could get, especially when she started to overthink. Aeri shakes her head and turned to look at Jimin, eyes shaking. 

“Oh my god,” Aeri had let out in a low exhale. “I don’t know, I’d just thought we’d be like, forever, you know? God, what about the whole group dynamic, I just...” Aeri trails off.

Jimin nodded and gave Aeri’s thighs a squeeze. “It sucks, I know. But, just know I’ll still be here,” There’s a pause as Aeri closes her eyes, put her head on the steering wheel. “Unless you’re breaking up with me too?” 

Aeri let out a soft laugh at that before she sat up and rolled her shoulders back. “Alright, I can do this. Fuck yeah, I can.”

The whole start of the party had been normal, Jimin and Aeri, quickly seeing everyone the know, Lucas giving Aeri a kiss on the cheek that causes Aeri to tense up. Jimin wraps a hand around her waist and mouths, “It’s okay.” There was laughter, music, bright lights, and drinks. Jimin was slowly drinking a beer, her drink of choice at these things, laughing at a joke Haechan from math class was telling the circle they sat in when it starts. 

The arguing.

Jimin is immediately on high alert, glancing up at the boy who sits across from her, before looking towards the sound of voices over the music. Jimin can’t help, she stands and walks over to where the sound is coming from, the kitchen, to fast to go unnoticed, too absorbed in her own head to notice the boy she shared a look with following her.

The sight in the kitchen was one to see, Jimin drops her cup on the floor and it splashes. Aeri is staring up at Lucas, angry tears in her eyes as he stands in her space, going off about something, Jimin can’t hear him well. It’s a lot of chaos at once, someone asking if Jimin was okay and she hears Aeri yell “fuck me? No, fuck you.”

Aeri pushes past Lucas, past Jimin, tears streaming down her cheeks, and then a few moments later there’s a door slam. Lucas and Jimin and people in the kitchen stand around for just a moment, the song playing loudly in the other room before Jimin feels anger rise in her throat. She can’t help herself as she stomps up to him, pushes him, and yells “What the absolute fuck is wrong with you?”

There’s a lot of whoas and calm downs that drift out to her, but she narrows her eyes as she’s pulled back by the arm, ignoring the host of the party, Mark, glancing into the kitchen and going “Everything okay?”

Jimin turns to him, hisses, “No, everything is not fucking okay,” before she yanks her arm out of the grip that holds her and walks away. 

She stomps all the way to the bathroom, her hands shaking before she knocks. 

“Go away…”

“It’s me.”

There’s silence for a moment, and Jimin is worried that Aeri won’t want to see her, her heart pangs, before the door opens, enough for Jimin to slip through. The door shuts as quickly as it opens. 

Aeri’s mascara is running down her cheeks, eyes red, and she sniffs. “W-what happened to your shirt?” 

Jimin looks down and notices the wet stain on it before she shrugs and looks up at Aeri. “Dropped my drink.”

Aeri sighs, sniffing again, rubbing her cheeks (though that didn’t really get rid of the black) before just completely covering her face with her hands. “I can’t go back out there, fuck. Jimin, I absolutely can’t go back out there.” Aeri’s voice breaks at the last syllable, and she’s shaking softly. Jimin wants to wrap her arms around Aeri, and pull her close, keep her safe. 

Instead, she walks up to Aeri and wraps her hands around Aeri’s own, gently pulling them from her face. Aeri juts her lip out as Jimin whispers “look at me,” holding Aeri’s hand close to her own cheeks as well. 

“Why don’t we just leave, hm,” Jimin hums, “I drive, we go to that old factory, you know the one we always drive by,” Aeri nods, looking up at Jimin from under her eyelashes, eyes shiny and pretty. “And just totally go fucking crazy? Just you and me.”

Aeri sniffs at that, and nods. “Okay, okay.”

“Okay. Now,” Jimin pinches Aeri’s cheek. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

ii.

Jimin didn’t think much about life after high school, even if now was the time she should. At the start of senior year, waiting to hear back from universities was always tough, and her mother loved to breathe down her neck about it. “Make sure you’re going to a good school, Jimin, a good school where you can shine.”

Jimin’s mother thinks she has big dreams, but Jimin doesn’t. She doesn’t really want, anything.

She shakes her head to make the thoughts go away as she opens her locker, placing her textbooks inside, except her chemistry one, her backpack already much lighter. She glances in the mirror, studying her face, her makeup light, before her eyes drift to the person in the reflection. Ning Yizhou was currently chatting the ear off Kim Minjeong, who nods as she adjusts her locker, Yizhou’s voice loud. 

She wonders when she stopped being able to interact with Minjeong, before shifting her eyes away. Maye it was just them growing apart from elementary school, maybe it was her mother’s influence. “I don’t like that girl,” She would say to Jimin. “Stay away from that girl.”

And Jimin didn’t listen until one day she just did.

She adjusts her back over her shoulder before she looks around, and can’t stop the smile she has as she watches Aeri walk up to her, steps light and joyful. She has her cheerleading uniform on, notebooks in one hand. 

“Hey,” Aeri says, skipping to a stop. Jimin stares into her eyes, smiling before rolling her eyes playfully, shutting her locker. 

“Hey yourself. I forgot the pep rally was today.” 

“Yep, go Tigers,” Aeri jokes, shaking her fists in the air. Jimin pushes her shoulder as she leans back on the lockers. She glances across the hall from the corner of her eye. Yizhou is currently running her hands through her hair, and something about it makes her curious. Make it’s the purple and pink bracelet she wears or the way she throws her head back when Minjeong elbows her in the side. It’s how Aeri used to laugh with Lucas. 

Weird, Jimin thinks, before she blinks. It’s not weird at all. 

Aeri leans closer to Jimin, her bare arm brushing onto Jimin’s as she tells her what happened in AP Chemistry, the joke her teacher had made. Something about cheerleaders being dumb. 

“And in my head, I was like, no, fuck you, that’s not true,” Aeri says, and Jimin can’t stop focusing on the way Aeri’s arm is touching hers. But Jimin doesn’t tell Aeri to move away, she just nods in agreement. Aeri was one of the smartest people she knew, she worked her ass off to keep up with classes and schoolwork. She was impressive.

The bell rings, and Jimin softly grabs Aeri’s wrist. “Where are you going right now?”

“Oh, I just have English.”

Jimin has a free period. “Skip it,” she says without thinking. “I’m free,” she says in a light tone, hoping it comes off as casual. Jimin doesn’t know why she feels nervous. Aeri looks around, smile large on her face, and Jimin shakes her arm. “Oh, please. I would’ve if you asked.”

Aeri looks like she’s about to give in, but stops herself. “I...I can’t, big test today. Later, okay? I promise.”

Jimin bites her lips before she slowly lets Aeri go. “See you at the pep rally, okay?” 

“Okay.”

Aeri walks away, but not without turning over to look over her shoulder as she does before she disappears down the hall. She sighs, hitting the back of her head against the locker and shutting her eyes. She opens them again, to see Yizhou and Minjeong linking arms, Minjeong a bit reluctantly in a playful way, as Yizhou drags her away. 

iii.

“What movie did you want to watch?” 

Aeri is laying across Jimin’s bed, staring up at the ceiling as Jimin digs through her old piles of DVDs. “A horror, or like a romance, or something?”

“Did you know women loved horror? I read about it for my English class, my teacher is like super, super, into, like, women’s rights and shit. She’s pretty cool, she knows her stuff. She’s a first-generation Korean-American,  Ms. Kim.” There’s a moment of silence before Aeri sighs. 

“Like you,” Aeri continues. Aeri rolls over and places her chin in her hands, swinging her feet. “You’re mom immigrated here right?”

“Yeah,” Jimin says, suddenly feeling a bit strange. It’s not like she was embarrassed about her mom or anything, but she didn’t know what her mom had to do with the whole conversation. It was like Aeri could tell her uneasiness, even if Jimin was turned around because she keeps talking.

“Anyways, Ms. Kim is super sweet, I love talking to her after class and, I don’t know. She’s just...cool.”

Jimin wonders if Aeri had something on her mind. She wants to ask her, but for some reason, she doesn’t.

There’s a moment of silence before Aeri inhales. “Sorry, just thinking about her and English class. The movie choices are…”

“Horror,” Jimin says since Aeri brought it up. Horror and English and Ms. Kim.  “Have you seen The Exorcist?”

“Nope,” Aeri says, popping the p like it was bubblegum. “Lay it on me.” 

Jimin smiles when Aeri does, eyes not leaving hers as she stands. “This shit is old,” Jimin says as she turns off the lights. “Like early ninety’s horror shit.”

“Ooo,” Aeri wiggles her fingers in Jimins direction before Jimin rolls her eyes and joins the other girl on the bed.

The movie starts playing after Jimin clicks play with the remote, and they’re silent. 

Jimin can’t focus.

She’s too focused on the way Aeri is in her space, the way she curls into Jimin when she’s scared, the way she jumps and then laughs and says sorry. “Holy shit,” Aeri would whisper, and Jimin would reply, “Yeah,” even if she didn’t even see the whole scene.

She wants to run her fingers through Aeri’s hair, but instead she just places her hand onto her arm, letting Aeri know she wasn’t going anywhere.

iv.

The hallway is empty as Jimin walks into school, Aeri yawning. Today, since Aeri had slept over, Jimin had driven them both to school early, to just escape Jimin’s mother nagging at them. Jimin giggles when Aeri leans against her, eyes shut, as they walked. 

When they turn the corner, Minjeong is already in the hallway, going through her locker. She glances at them both as they walk, and Jimin nods at her, Minjeong nodding back. 

Aeri leans back against the lockers, as Jimin opens her own, trying to remember what classes she has for the day. 

“Minjeong!”

Aeri and Jimin look over to see Yizhou waving from down the hall, smile bright, hair in two braided pigtails before she skips down the hall towards Minjeong. She’s dressed in a soft pink blouse and checkered skirt today, thigh-high socks, and sneakers. In contrast to Jimin’s jeans and baseball tee, and the soft green crop top and mom jeans Aeri had stolen from Jimin this morning, she looked cute. Attractive even. 

Jimin feels her cheeks go pink at the thought, and turns away. Why’d she think that? She glances at Aeri like she can read thoughts, and notices the way Aeri is staring across the hall, maybe daydreaming. She couldn’t tell. 

Aeri was always pretty, but dressed in clothes from Jimin’s closet, something about it was different. It made her heart flutter, just a bit. 

She quickly snaps her head to look into her locker. Oh, what was she thinking?

She shuts her eyes, trying to drown out the slow bustle of students walking in the halls, her own thoughts.

Then,

There’s a sharp gasp from Aeri, it sounds almost painful, she was punched in the stomach, slapped, something.

Jimin’s eyes open in panic, and she turns to look at Aeri. Aeri’s hands cover her mouth, and her eyes are shining, but it was painful. Jimin turns around and feels her stomach drop. 

Yizhou is in a similar pose to Aeri, one hand over her chest, one over her mouth, as Minjeong steps back from her locker, crossing her arms. 

FUCKING DYKE!!!

Those are the words that were written across Minjeong’s locker. 

Jimin’s throat feels tight, and she looks at Aeri who looks at her, eyes shining with tears. She can’t even begin to imagine what…

Aeri slowly walks over to Minjeong, Jimin following in a daze, as people slowly walk past, each taking a look. Jimin thinks she hears some asshole say ouch, but she isn’t sure.

Minjeong tilts her head, eyes narrow. “They couldn’t even use a nice color or font? This is just…ugly,” Minjeong nods to herself. “Right?”

A tear escapes Aeri’s eyes, and Yizhou is shaking.

 “Minjeong, I…” Yizhou starts, as Aeri opens her mouth. 

“God, what-”

“Don’t!” Minjeong snaps, turns, looking at Yizhou in the eye. “Don’t let them see us break down.”

She looks at Jimin in the eye, then Aeri, who shakes. There are hot tears streaming down Jimin’s face as well, she didn’t even notice.  

Us, Jimin wants to ask, who is us?

Minjeong quickly picks up her bag, starts to walk, before she’s pushing past people and flying down the hall. Yizhou seems shocked for a second before she spins on her heel and runs after her.

There’s whispering around them, but it all sounds like buzzing. She can only watch as Aeri pulls the sleeve of her top and starts wiping at the words, over and over, while she shakes. 

The words smudge and blur, but Aeri doesn’t stop wiping. 

iv point five.

“It was completely fucked up,” Jimin hears people whisper. She’s holding on to Aeri as they walk, arm around her shoulder, Aeri’s head down. “Our school? It’s just...we aren’t like that.” 

But you are, Jimin thinks. You all are. 

v.

“And what about the violence against queer youth?”

Jimin hadn’t been paying attention at all during History class, she couldn’t stop worrying about Aeri, how shaken up she was, until now.

She looks up and sees a young man standing. The teacher seems shocked by the abrupt question. Jimin thinks his name is Renjun, he just transferred here a little bit ago. He seems angry, Jimin notices.

“Everyone in this school talks about justice, and progressiveness and all that shit, excuse my language, but what about queer kids?” He looks around the room before he looks into Jimin’s eyes. She feels a shiver of shock run up her spine. “What about the violence they face every day, for being themselves? This morning, someone was literally subject to a hate crime, and I haven’t heard anything said by one teacher. What about them?”

He looks away from Jimin, turning towards the teacher, suddenly sounding defeated. “What about us?”

The class is silent for a bit, before the bell rings. The class starts to gather their books while the teacher clears his throat, speaking about a pop quiz or something. 

Jimin writes Aeri’s name one more time in the margin of her notebook before shutting her notebook. She slows her steps, lingering a bit as Renjun packs his things and places them in his bag. 

“Hey,” Jimin stops him by calling out when he walks past her. He turns, tilts his head as she walks up closer, holding her notebook with both arms over her stomach. “I just wanted to tell you, it was really fucking cool, what you said,” Jimin inhales, thinks of the words she would want to hear. “I think you’re really brave.”

Renjun gives a small grin, itching the back of his head. “Nah, I’m not,” he speaks. “Just tired.”

She gives a small laugh at that. “Where’re you heading,” she asks. 

“Free period.”

“Oh,” Jimin says, nodding. “Same.”

She expects him to walk away, or that she would, but instead he asks. “Oh cool, wanna hang?”

++

“If you don’t mind me asking, you’re…”

“Yeah, I’m gay.” 

Jimin nods, shaking her bottle of apple juice, pulling her knees to her chest. They sit under the outdoor bleachers, the sun shining down on them. Jimin thinks of Aeri in her class, and wonders why they never have conversations like the one she’s having now. She wonders if she’s too afraid too.

“How did you, um, know? Can I ask that?”

Renjun hums, tilting his head back. He laughs, which causes Jimin to laugh. “You want my whole life story or just the good stuff?”

Jimin shrugs, staring at him. She suddenly wishes she could be able to laugh so loudly. 

“I think I just knew? Well, obviously, maybe me being obsessed with the same older lifeguard did not help when I was younger,” Renjun shrugs. “But yeah, it’s not like that for everyone. Some people, they never know. That doesn’t mean we don’t exist.”

Jimin nods.

“What about you?”

“Me?”

Renjun nods openly. Jimin stares at him, as a gust of wind blows through. 

“I don’t know, actually,” she speaks, honestly, and it feels like a heavy, dull, weight was lifted off her heart, her shoulders.

She suddenly longs to see Aeri, tell her everything.

Renjun gives Jimin a big smile. “That’s okay.”

And then, Jimin cries. 

v point five.

Today, Minjeong is wearing a black shirt that says “FUCKING DYKE!!!” in bright bold orange letters. Her arm is covered in rainbow bracelets, and she has a grey beanie. Yizhou is wearing a shirt that says “The Future Is Queer.”

Jimin thinks they are quite the pair as they both laugh down and walk down the hallway. Braver than us all.

vi.

Jimin realizes she loves Aeri on the morning of her birthday. 

She wakes up and all she can think is Fuck.

It’s a weekend, and Aeri was going to be coming over. Usually they would be hanging out with a group of people but this year Aeri just wants a quiet birthday. “Just me and you, okay? No stress, no freaking out,” Aeri had said. “Hell, don’t even get me a gift!”

Of course, Jimin got her a gift anyway. A necklace with a picture of the full moon in it, custom-made. She had been planning it for a while.

She can’t even calm her nerves during breakfast, saying her stomach felt tight and she needs to sleep some more to her mom. Of course, Jimin lays restless in her bed as she waits for her mom to let her know Aeri is her, glancing at the thin bright pink present box with the red bow.

“Jimin!” Her mom calls and her heart beats loudly. She can’t get up out of the bed fast enough.

Jimin rushes down the stairs, her hair a mess, and smiles wide when she sees Aeri standing in the door. 

“Hi!”

“Hey,” Aeri laughs as Jimin slows her fast walking as she takes her shoes off. Aeri’s wearing purple socks today, fuzzy and warm it looks like. They stare at each other for a bit and laugh before Aeri wraps Karina up in a hug.

“Happy birthday,” Jimin whispers softly.

“Thanks for having me,” Aeri whispers back.

Jimin’s mom jokes over the cake (that Jimin forced her to buy) that she was grateful that Aeri was in Jimin’s life. Jimin should be grateful that Aeri was in hers.

After dinner, Jimin brings them both up to her room and shuts the door, locking it. “My mom won’t bother us anymore for the rest of the night, hopefully.” 

“Hopefully,” Aeri repeats, and they both laugh as Jimin leans back against the door. 

They both open and close their mouths at the same time, and Aeri laughs before she sits on the bed. “I-”

“Wait, before you say anything,” Jimin speaks and opens her drawer. The present box looks up at her and she smiles, suddenly feeling brave. She grabs the box and turns, holding it out to Aeri with both hands. “Happy birthday.”

Aeri gapes up at her, corners of her lips tilted up. “You didn’t have to…”

“Open it,” Jimin says, lacing her fingers together before resting her chin on her knuckles. 

Aeri opens it slowly, and gasps when she pulls out the silver necklace. “Oh, it’s gorgeous.”

Jimin feels her cheeks go pink, she sits on the bed next to Aeri. “Look, see. It opens like this, and,” the click is soft, but then they’re both staring down at the picture of the moon. “It’s the moon, I know you like the moon and stuff, so I just…” Jimin trails off, shrugs. They’re close.

“I love it.”

“I know we said no gifts, but I couldn’t help it. With all the shit that happened, in these few months alone, you deserve it, you know-”

Aeri leans in close, and before Jimin can process it, presses her lips to Jimin’s own. They stay like that, for just a moment, before Aeri pulls back. 

“Sorry, I just-”

Jimin raises her hand to Aeri’s jaw and pulls her in close, kissing her again. It’s all soft touches, deeply exhaling, and relief. 

When they both pull back, they stare at each other for a moment. 

And then Aeri bursts into tears.

“These are happy tears,” Aeri hiccups when Jimin’s heart starts to speed up a bit. “Don’t worry. Oh my god, you have no idea how scared I was, I thought I was going to, I don’t know. Lose you.”

Jimin shakes her head, her own eyes filling with tears. “No way.”

“You’re not angry,” Aeri whispers.

“No, not me,” Jimin breathes. “You?”

“No. Never.”

“Good,”

“Good.”

They both give wet laughs, Jimin leaning into Aeri’s space. Her heart beats slowly in her chest, filled with longing and want and everything in between.

And in the night, they hold each other in soft gratitude, hope, and love. 

Comments

[luvisms]

im sorry if this is weird i kinda just stumbled across this randomly and i have no idea how i got here but i enjoyed this a lot!! i loved jimin's introspection and her slow realization over the course of the fic and im also a huge fan of minjeong being so bold and headstrong... i know aespa fandom is still super new but i havent seen anyone talk abt 00z so i was really happy to see this! thanks for writing <3

[lovebalance]

hello hello!

i’m surprised anyone even found this! this really means a lot that you enjoyed it enough to comment!!! i love the 00z so much so of course i had to climb onto this idea fast! they’re so cute!!! thank YOU for reading!!!

[luckyzukky]

ahhh i love this so much!!! i got so excited when i saw an aespa fic on here tysm for writing this you're the best