danjakz state of play - journal entry

[lovebalance]

opening note: i find myself enjoying and giggling about duos these days where one of them is pathetic for the other. there’s something so amusing and also pandering (if you are me) about the idea that one person in a duo will become really pathetic and loser-adjacent (i.e, twirling and kicking their hair, swinging their feet) while the other person is just laughing to themselves while either a. not picking up the signs or b. is aware, but doesn’t care too much.

so i’ll talk about one. a quick little journal page. (also, typos are inevitable i think.)

anyway, look here:

1. soobin/beomgyu: also known as soogyu, danjakz, or loser #1 (beomgyu) and his favorite friend. (coined by me).

   1. firstly, this video, although made 11 months ago, is bible-worthy imo. i watch every once in a while and i always finish it with a horrified look on my face. you see, there’s for sure an amount of beomgyu being his lamest self for soobin that i can take before i start asking beomgyu to compose himself. 

honestly, my fave example of beomgyu being a soft loser (pisces placements anyone? beomgyu knows all about that…) in the said video is when they were talking about the track new rules. the way beomgyu cuts himself off from speaking when he realizes that soobin wasn’t listed in the credits makes me go into a state of panic. (also, beomgyu’s nod when soobin goes “because i’m not in it?” is so… anyways don’t talk to me). 

it’s like, beomgyu is insane and free (the comeback show where they all had to cry so he looks into the sun and screams longer than he needs to is peak), but he’s also just someone who loves to laugh loudly. (see: this compilation video of soobin making beomgyu laugh. is it funny beomgyu?) and also, he’s obsessed.

which, to me, is cursed. soobin is, in my own opinion, the worst member to be head over heels pathetic about. soobin’s image (persona you could say) during the debut era vs now that moas can see is so wild. i think crown era soobin would be overwhelmed with his free-like nature that he shows now. but also, i am not the soobin expert in terms of fans. i just go here. my main point though, is that soobin is gay, tall, a huge fan of anime (he literally told yeonjun that he’s discriminating against 2d the other day, also saying that dramas and anime are like the same via storytelling), he’s a pop-girl fan, he’s a homebody who loves being online, he says he doesn’t have any plans on getting married, etc. i could go on. (he’s…just like me. a 2000 kid who is a fan of media, except his is famous, i am just in my room.) beomgyu picking soobin as his favorite member is just wild to me. 

but also, it makes sense. beomgyu would be the type to like a person like soobin, i think, because soobin is very true to his interests, and passionate about them. and someone like that can only be true to himself i bet. 

i would like to provide some quotes here. 

soobin’s interview here. beomgyu’s interview here.

[How is a SOOBIN-centric life different from before?

SOOBIN: This might sound mean (laughs) but I started to pursue the things I wanted to do more and lightened up on the things I used to do out of obligation. In the past, I would wear myself out trying to play the leader role, but I think it’s okay now since I lessened that load. The other members do just fine on their own and they do a lot to help me out, too, as a leader.

Have you found any advantages to sticking to the real you?

SOOBIN: Some idols sometimes struggle with the fact that the way they conduct themselves in front of the camera isn’t their usual self. But I can say this 200% in all honesty: MOA can be rest assured that what they see of me on V LIVE is exactly the way I am in everyday life. I love that there’s no divide between the person Choi Soobin and the idol Choi Soobin.

I guess there’s no division between the person Choi Soobin and idol Choi Soobin because you want MOA to see you exactly the way you are.

SOOBIN: MOA can see me with nice hair and makeup on stage or on TV anytime, but I have to wait until another time to tell them about the things I’m interested in and the way I feel inside. It’s fun to give MOA a look at parts of me I think they would like. I think it’s a meaningful act to talk about myself to the people who like me. I want to open up about almost every part of me like a friend would.]

[In your previous interview with Weverse Magazine, you talked about grappling with how to love yourself. Are you finding it easier to practice the “love myself” mantra now? 

BEOMGYU: Yes, I’m practicing “love myself”! (laughs) I think my sense of self-worth is higher now than it was back then, both physically and mentally.

You talked about “Wonder” on the V LIVE you did for your birthday and explained that the video shows “what my personal life looks like, after work,” which you said “may look glamorous, but it isn’t, actually.” Why did you want to show that side of yourself to MOA?

BEOMGYU: Because it’s a side of me they don’t normally see. I thought I could show them that side now. I always told MOA about the difficulties I face, but that was only 70% of it—I wanted to show them the remaining 30% now, too. When you’re famous, people only end up seeing the glamor, but since there’s a bright side, I think there’s a definite dark side, too. So I wanted to show them how worn out I get in my personal life as well. Most of all, I wanted to make the video feel like they were there with me. V posted a video where he covered “Someone Like You” by Adele, and if you watch it, the camera just follows him as he walks down the street, so it feels like you’re walking along with him. I was inspired after I saw the video and explained in detail to the video team all the things I wanted to get across: “It has to be filmed so that it makes MOA feel like they’re taking a walk with me, and it has to show me going home from the studio in a car, and the captions at the bottom need to be yellow and in this font.” Like that.

What’s the real BEOMGYU like?

BEOMGYU: What is the real me like? Ah, that’s hard. (laughs) I think I’m slowly becoming a stronger person as I learn to accept hardship. Just because I’m happy now, of course, doesn’t mean I’ll only be happy later on. I’m the kind of person who has a new issue each year and spends that year grappling with that one thing, so I’m likely to face more problems, too. Anyway, the past me has always dealt with those problems well. (laughs) I don’t want to worry about things before they happen. I just want to live my life being happy in the moment and experience new things while also being accepting, positive and flexible about everything.]

so, what am i trying to say? 

i’m not sure myself. i like soobin/beomgyu alot. i like how even though their 3 months apart, beomgyu calls soobin hyung but they act like same age friends. i like that beomgyu talks about missing soobin even though they’re only one room apart in the dorms like a giddy kid in love. i like how soobin calls beomgyu and says “i called because i miss you like i always do.” i like beomgyu’s need to be soobin’s NUMBER ONE BESTIE!!!!

or just, beomgyu has a crush on soobin, soobin isn’t even thinking about it, and we all (or just me) are subject to watching a water sign sun try to impress a fire sign sun. (reminds me of my high school experience. don’t hit me up.)

or something. anyways, stream gbgb. i know ppl are saying it’s generic, but there’s nothing wrong with a generic song if it’s good! (i will come back later and see if i need to add any links i forgot LOL bye!)

edit: WAIT one more thing. beomgyu being so excited to do this makes me want to projectile vomit fr. actually two more things. [beomgyu told op that it must be interesting/fun to take soobin to haunted house. op added notes that the moment beomgyu answered "soobin", he gave his best smile and looked so happy, op thought beomgyu must be love his soobin hyung a lot.] i hope i die fr.